brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
