i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
