I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
