I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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