a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
