i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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