Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
