did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
