I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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