just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we made out on top of his cat.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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