doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
