you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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