she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
