Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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