I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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