remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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