we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
