Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
