I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
