You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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