ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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