my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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