I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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