I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
