I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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