He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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