Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They took my balls.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize