my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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