actually, I'm a sock model
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
