I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
