Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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