Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
