I got chris browned last night
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
