Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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