It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
