"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
