Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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