I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
