some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
