we have pet lesbian snakes
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
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