dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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