Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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