if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
