my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
