Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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