I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
