good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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