Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
