why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
