This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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