who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
In America we eat man semen.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
