I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
