Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
