He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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