Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
