ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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