Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
