so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i drank out of a bidet.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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