she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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