Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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