I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
