how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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