I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
