There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
