My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
