Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
