Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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