Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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