dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
