did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
