The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
