At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
