Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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