I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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